Hello there! Welcome back on another journey to a Steady MIND.
First off, let me start by saying that this blog series does not only cater to my generation. As a 23-year-old, I fall into the "Gen Z" demographic and speak from the perspective of the culture I am surrounded in. Here we go.
Relationships are complex, love can be complicated, and people can be confusing. Most in the dating world would agree to these assessments as they are sometimes the only answers we can muster up in the relational dilemmas we find ourselves in.
Relationships today are not much like those of the past. We all want that Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv, that Cliff and Clair Huxtable, that Carl and Harriette Winslow, that Martin and Gina, you get the picture. However, we are all quickly realizing that those are exactly what they were: staged relationships.
As beautiful as it may seem, authentic relationships in the real world are not built by "Lights, Camera, Action." They are built by trust, transparency, and many life lessons. All of which many of us today are not willing to stand in, stand for, or push through.
Here are some reasons why I believe our relationships aren't being built to last:
In any building process, foundation is key. One of the main reasons why relationships today are not lasting is because of the foundation they are being built upon. Without a firm foundation, anything built on it is likely to come tumbling down.
As painful as it may be, transparent and vulnerable communication is needed to build a strong foundation in a relationship. Both parties must get to the point of naked truth where you ask the questions: Is this what I want? Can I handle this person and what they require of me?
A relationship that is not built on honesty, trust, and mutual understanding, will never be able to stand the test of time.
Here's the beauty: In this case, foundations can be rebuilt. If you did not start on the right foot, you can still get into the right rhythm. With the desire to, there is always the possibility of starting over together.
Find your tempo and rebuild a foundation that you both can stand on.
The blatant truth is this: when it comes to relationships, many of us are just grasping at straws. Not many people were sat down and taught how to be relationally healthy. Many are figuring this thing out on their own.
Those who have gotten the chance to watch others, such as their parents, friends, and family members, have only seen sides to their relationships. Most times, their good sides. But many are not taught how to push through storms – when to hold on and when to let go. We learn for ourselves and then continue in the same vein by not sharing our found wisdom with others.
I believe every couple should have another couple in their lives to help guide them along the way; relational mentors, if you would. Many relationships fall at the hands of misguidance.
Whether boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, or spouse, we all can use someone to give us direction on how to better love and communicate with our significant other.
A lot of relationships do not last today because they started for the wrong reasons. If your intentions aren’t pure when you start, those intentions will probably lead to a harsh ending.
Answer this question for me: When it comes to you and your significant other, why are you two together? If you do not know the reason why you are together, when storms hit, you will not find a reason to stay together.
The purpose of the relationship gives life to that relationship. Find it and determine if the relationship is worth keeping.
Consistency and Determination
Many times, relationships today fail because what was started in the beginning stopped in the middle and caused disruption in the end.
A wise young lady once said to me, "marriage is a job, and you have to show up to work every day." However, I place this in all relational forms. Without consistency and determination, there is no way for a relationship to grow and glow. It takes intentionality and willpower. You must show up, even when you do not feel like it.
Patience & Expectation
No one is perfect, and everyone is learning. A lot of times, relationships do not last because we desire perfection and we come into them with preconceived expectations. You will not always get the matured version of an individual. Sometimes, it takes a partner to help people evolve into the person they desire to be relationally.
Now, I am not saying that we should learn to put up with any and everything. What I am saying is that no relationship comes already "assembled." But sometimes, we are tasked with putting the pieces together. People grow, and they evolve as they have the right to.
Here's the million-dollar question: What if that person never meets their relational potential? Or it takes years for them to get there? You must ask yourself am I graced with the patience to see this person evolve into the matured version of themselves. If you are, that is okay. If you are not, that is okay.
Relationships are complex, love can be complicated, and people can be confusing. But when you find the one you love, and he or she is the one who loves you, then whether complex, complicated, or confusing, you'll be willing to work because real love is what makes us built to last.